The 5 Gnarliest ’80s Beauty Trends Ever

by Nicole Kaldes | 9:30 am, April 3rd, 2010

Thanks to the release of “Hot Tub Time Machine,” runway day-glo, Scott Brown’s pink leather “date” shorts, and the jean-on-jean action in the Gap’s recent advertising campaign, everyone’s abuzz about ’80s fashion.

But what about taking a peek at our favorite (read: not-so-favorite) beauty trends from two-plus decades ago?

Frosted “Rich Bitch” Hair

Who didn’t strive to be a wealthy secretary-turned-tycooness like Krystal Carrington on Dynasty, or glam lawyer Morgan Fairchild in Falcon Crest? By the way, look at Fairchild now, in this shoot by photographer Mike Ruiz. Still very sexy at 60.

Speaking of strong ladies with equally hefty shoulder pads, I dug up a couple iconic TV spots from the woman power era. Remember this?

Bring home the bacon? Yep. Fry it up in a pan. Enjoli was the “8-hour perfume for the 24-hour woman.” And what does her husband do? Nothing, I suppose, aside from offering to cook for the kids that one time. He should just stay in the corner, as far away from her as possible. Wouldn’t want to get in the way of her 24-hourness.

Again, “taking charge” is the theme here – and how to best do it? By slapping a good quarter bottle of Jean Nate After Bath Splash all over your body, every single day, while striking a pose in the shower. And, who knew? Jean Nate is still on the market; I had no idea—thought one of the last [very dusty] bottles I saw was on a neglected shelf of a small-town Western Mass. department store. Or the one that actually sold at my late ’90s yard sale prior to moving overseas.

Neon Makeup

Cyndi Lauper and Grace Jones were pioneers of this high-voltage trend. And BTW, I am totally spazzing over these neon eyebrows created by Pat McGrath at Balenciaga for fall/winter 2010.

Bring on the Man Fur

Tom Selleck, John Oates, Burt Reynolds…the list of furry ’80s celebs is vast and dense. Rumor has it hairy chests are again in, but in a much more manscaped kind of way. Or, as the Wall Street Journal reported recently, Miami-Vice style “heavage is back.”

Heavy Metal Hair

No ’80s beauty trend report is complete without referencing the glam manes of the era’s big-hair bands. Poison wins, no contest. Here’s Bret Michaels, our fave Celebrity Apprentice, back in the big-hair day.

Last, and Certainly Least: Scrunchies

Thankfully, American Apparel’s attempt to stage a scrunchie revolution last summer failed. Back in its heyday, though, you had to rock it with your side ponytail. And never, ever, be caught without one on your wrist.