Might Wanna Invest In Eyeshadow; In The Future Our Eyes Will Be HUGE
Image credit Nickolay Lamm
Hang onto your hangover sunglasses and ditch the bronzer. If this artist rendering of evolved humans turns out to be accurate, we’ve got some style changes to make — in the next 100,000 years.
Artist and researcher Nickolay Lamm has illustrated what humans might look like in the future, with the help of Dr. Alan Kwan, a computational geneticist from Washington University. Lamm says the drawings are based on “one possible timeline,” in which humans control biology to suit our needs — an idea that is only half as frightening as the resulting imagery. Basically, humans are going to look like Princess Jasmine mixed with a Tim Burton character. Which is to say, our eyes are going to be freaking huge, but we’ll have a decent tan.
Kwan predicts the human head will become larger to accommodate a larger brain (yes, getting more smarts!), which will lead to what we will call a Rihannaisation of humankind. Evolutionary downside: unfortunately large foreheads. Styling solution? Bangs.
The doctor also believes that humans will develop sophisticated ways to control the human genome, which we’ll express by completely vainly electing and editing our own facial features, evolution be damned. In 100,000 years, he says, “This human face will be heavily biased towards features that humans find fundamentally appealing: strong, regal lines, straight nose, intense eyes, and placement of facial features that adhere to the golden ratio and left/right perfect symmetry.”
He sees people colonizing dim environments beyond the Earth’s solar system, which will make our eyes become “unnervingly large”, as well as feature a sideways blink capability. We’re already pretty good at the side-eye, so watch out, haters of the future. Eyelids will become thicker. Our skin will be darker to form protection from harmful UV rays. 100,000 years from now, Kwan believes the human face will reflect “total mastery over human morphological genetics. We’ll also develop denser hair to protect against heat loss from our aforementioned big heads.
Since the science behind all these assumptions is a little beyond us, let’s approach the weird findings with some simple math: anyone who invests in eyeshadow companies now, will be totally rich in the year 102013, because women will have to use gobs of the stuff to cover their elephantine eyelids. We can also bid farewell to the Kardashian sisters’ makeup line because in this fantasy, no one needs bronzer, we just make ourselves tan (for protection, not vanity, we swear).