We know the look is sheer mesh and skin followed by more skin, but favoring randos with a front row seat to your side boob isn’t the ideal way to go through life. Relax. We’re not slut-shaming anybody, Monica Lewinsky for president and everything. We’re just saying that as summer weather gets as uncomfortable as Dante’s crotch, we don’t want you dealing with unwanted attention when you’re just trying to enjoy some breathable fabric on your bicycle like a PERSON.
Chances are, if you’re too see-through, you won’t know it until the sunlight’s bouncing off your posterior and causing car wrecks. If you’re wearing some bra-like coverage under a lacey overlay that shows off how not interested in bread you are, you’re G2G. But sometimes mirrors make you look much more demure than you do in the sunlight. That’s why just like every science experiment I did in school, every time I try to do sheer clothes, it ends in disgrace. We hate to ruin everything with facts, but here’s a scientifically proven litmus test to tell you if you’re being too see-through.
1. If an American Apparel employee offers you disco pants to help you look classy, you might be a bit too see-through.
2. If someone hands you a prize for winning the wet t-shirt contest you didn’t enter, you’re too see-through.
3. If moms shield their little boy’s eyes when you walk by, you’re too see-through.
4. If two horny dogs can flirt through your thigh gap, you might be a tad too see-through.
5. If a teenager gives up his seat on the subway to you, it’s possible you’re too see-through.
6. If the person you’re talking to has a vocabulary consisting only of Freudian slips, you’re probably too see-through.
7. If the person in the cubicle next to you knows your bra size, you’re definitely too see-through.
8. If your sheer dress looks like paper mâché when you sweat, you’re way too see-through.
9. If people just say, “thank you” when you walk by, you’re most likely too see-through.
10. If Bill Cunningham stops to amorously photograph you and then has a heart attack, you’re entirely too see-through.
11. If the Starbucks barista tips you, you’re too see-through.
12. If your friend’s divorcee mom asks you where she can buy your top, you’re too see-through.
13. If someone tells you you have such symmetrical areolas, you’re past see-through.
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