Technically, this circus of summer fashion is over. This year, fashion got more comfortable, it got a little cliché, and it definitely got weird. Soon your crop top, your sportswear bottoms and your pool slides will no longer fly. (That stuff is all fun and games until November when someone gets frostbite.) Unfortunately, you have to wear real clothes now. But let’s reflect before we do. You might think it’s best to bury the facekini deep in your subconscious, but it’s really better just to let all your feelings out. We cannot move on to wearing flannels (not just tied around your waist,) until first, we remember.
Welcome to Styleite’s recap of summer trends, in which we revisit the recent summer trendlets that happened for better or for worse. These trends will be burned into your brain whether you want them there or not. So happy Labor Day, ya filthy animals. Let’s start with facekinis.
1. The Facekini
Style Description: An anti-sun witness protection program mask to be paired with a couture bathing suit
Subtext of Wearing One: I can afford to stay at an expensive summer place in the South of France, but let’s not get too wild because youth preservation is key
2. Distressed Jorts
Style Description: denim jean shorts either rolled or just fraying everywhere, a few sizes too small, with a minimum of five holes
Subtext of Wearing These: Minimalist fashion is so my thing.
3. Skimpy Sportswear
Style Description: Saturated colors, streetwear, boob cages, basketball shorts, jerseys, bike shorts, logos, numbers, etc.
Subtext of Wearing These: I don’t actually sweat in this shit. I’ll leave the effort to people who buy pricey workout peplums.
4. Floral Flower Beards
Style Description: A beard strewn with a floral arrangement that looks like Queen Titania’s crown
Subtext of Wearing These: My girlfriend will be home from work soon, and I’d better wake up and freshen my beard.
5. adidas Pool Slides with Socks
Style Description: Unisex sportswear classic Adilette with tube or ankle socks, providing cushy comfort for models and dads in the hood
Subtext of Wearing These: I DGAF
Cost: Height, fanciness
6. Iridescent Flatforms
Style Description: chunky pair of elevated summer shoes that are disco-fied
Subtext of Wearing These: I stay…dressed…to impress
Cost: Only like a ligament or two
7. Crop Tops
Style Description: the halved midriff-flasher, and the most popular trendlet of summer
Subtext of Wearing One: I’m unapologetically loving my summer life.
Cost: your ability to perform cartwheels when you score tickets to your favorite concert
8. Mirror Sunglasses
Style Description: Sunglasses with reflective lenses
Subtext of Wearing One: I’m throwing some shade, but I want people to see me.
Cost: Being mistaken for every fashion blogger ever
9. Lightweight Pajama Pants-Pants
Style Description: Slouchy patterned tie-at-the-waist pj panatlons that double as bottoms for adult people during the day
Subtext of Wearing One: My nebulous job can’t be that serious.
Cost: falling asleep at inopportune moments
10. See-through clothes
Style Description: sheer translucent bold long skirts with solid minis underneath, lacy tops worn with modest solid full coverage bras
Subtext of Wearing One: I’d rather be in L.A. right now.
Cost: Privacy of some private parts
11. Haute sneakers
Style Description: beaded, rubbery or skate sneakers beautiful enough to sneak into the couture party because they know someone
Subtext of Wearing One: I just don’t take myself or these overpriced shoes that seriously.
Cost: Access to anything but the athletic elevator at most private clubs