I like to think that “age ain’t nothin’ but a number,” but my impending 25th birthday has got me stressed out. Because even though 25 is really, truly young (especially since all this kale juice is supposed to make me live until I’m well over 100, right?), there are approximately 1,237,844* listicles on the internet citing all the things you “need” to do before turning 25. Just look at what a quick Google query yields.
So I’m experiencing something I never thought I’d fall victim to: a quarter-life crisis. And since part of my crisis involves reading all these horrendous listicles, I’ve gathered that there’s a lot of things I’m supposed to do before the Big Day comes in three weeks. Here’s a list all the things I apparently still have to do before I turn 25. Or, better yet, here are the 25 things that are currently making me feel like a failure.
1. Have more than 500 connections on LinkedIn.
2. Try pilates.
3. Live abroad for a year.
4. Have one night stand with a stranger.
5. Do a juice cleanse.
6. Ride a unicorn.
7. Be Rihanna.
8. Have more than $100 in savings.
9. Watch Titanic.
10. Wear a crop top in public.
11. Have a hit single.
12. Get over my body image issues.
13. Have a perfect body.
14. Own gold lamé.
15. Be happy.
16. Stop wishing a life of unhappiness on that guy that dumped me when I was 20.
17. Run a half marathon.
18. Become fluent in another language.
19. Stop feeling nervous about buying alcohol. I’ve been legal FOUR YEARS.
20. Learn calligraphy.
21. Live by myself.
22. Buy dinner for my parents (LOL)
23. Invent an amazing new app that helps friends share music in an entirely innovative way!
24. Finally beat my caffeine addiction.
*I made this number up. It’s probably actually more.