I thought that I was prepared for the release of Sharknado 2. I bought a shark head to mount on my wall from eBay. I’ve been exclusively playing the Jaws theme song on my iPod for the past week. I even moved to Kansas so that I’d have a higher chance of running into a real sharknado. But there was one element that I foolishly forgot — scent! How can I fully immerse myself in the sci-fi wonder that is Sharknado without including smell?
Luckily, the movie’s star, Tara Reid, has come out with a perfume just in time for the film’s release. What’s it called? You really shouldn’t have to ask: “Shark by Tara.”
According to the Internet, “Shark by Tara is a light and refreshing perfume perfect for day-to-day wear. It also incorporates a plethora of “lavender” colored flowers, which is Tara’s favorite color, making them a true fit for Shark by Tara.”
I’m confused. Does the perfume smell like “lavender” flowers, or like the color “lavender?” Are those two scents different? I’m hoping there are sarcasm quotes around the word because the perfume really just smells like a mixture of decaying shark, blood, and fear.
Hopefully this Sharknado perfume will inspire other movies to create their own fragrance. After all, the movie industry isn’t really making enough money. I just hope that execs can jump on this cash cow before those poor Hollywood celebrities go bankrupt.
Since I’m so concerned, I’ll give a few of my favorite flicks some scented suggestions:
Cinema Scent #1: Pulp Fiction
Top note: Cocaine
Middle note: Hamburgers
Base note: Blood
Cinema Scent #2: Mash
Top note: Gun Powder
Middle note: Sexism
Base Note: Shower water
Cinema Scent #3: Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone
Top note: Jelly beans
Middle note: Angst
Base note: Moss
Cinema Scent #4: The Silence of the Lambs
Top note: Lotion
Middle note: Dog fur
Base note: Iron sulfide (look up the movie on Wikipedia to get this one. Deep cuts.)
Cinema Scent #5: Glengarry Glen Ross
Top note: Printer paper
Middle note: Alec Baldwin’s overpowering charisma
Base note: Rain water
If only these production companies would return my calls, maybe we could get these perfume lines started!