5 Career Paths Beyonce Might Consider, In Light of Her New Soccer Mom Hair

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Beyonce got a bob haircut, which she showed off at Made in America this weekend, but the internet can’t nitpick it bald today because no one can stop talking about Jennifer “Sweet Tits” Lawrence. While they dissect privacy rights, we’re going to go ahead and fantasize about Beyonce’s possible future career paths, based on the fact that she now has easy, breezy, wash ‘n’ go, universally flattering soccer mom hair. If you’d like to have a discussion about how few women of color there are doing soccer mom-type jobs on stock photo sites, consider this an open forum to do so. On to Beyonce’s potential career options:

1. Pre-school teacher

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“WHO NEEDS A DEGREE WHEN YOU’RE SCHOOLIN’ LIFE, BBs?”

2. Head of Blue Ivy’s PTA

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“This is my feminism.”

3. Suburban real estate agent

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And she’d probably have the decency not to wear a forest green polyester blazer while doing it.

4. eBay tycoon

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“Am I ‘trending’ yet?”

5. Dental hygienist

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“It would appear as though you have Yonce all on your mouth like liquor. Would you like me to remove it?”

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