These 6 GIFs Prove Andrew Keegan Has Always Led a Cult

andrew keegan

While Christina Hendricks managed to go from naive college girl on MTV’s Undressed to Emmy-nominated bombshell and Spice Girls-esque platforms have somehow snuck their way back into style, not everything survived the ‘90s so… intact. We don’t know if it was all that low-grade Ecstasy and pulverized Aggro Crag dust that was flying around during his heyday, but Andrew Keegan, evil hottie from 10 Things I Hate About You, evil hottie from O, and evil hottie from your hormonal sleepaway camp sex dreams, has gone crazy. Like, crazier than a little boy who just lost his Charizard Pokémon card crazy.

According to Vice, Keegan has founded his own religion and it has nothing to do with the prayers you used to whisper before drifting off to sleep under your dELiA*s catalog duvet. (Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord gives me Andrew Keegan’s body and JC Chasez’s face to keep so I can create my own perfect date for the 5th grade dance.) The “not-a-cult” is called Full Circle and it’s all about time or something. “Whatever, the past, some other time. It’s a circle; in the center is now. That’s what it’s about.” So yeah, Andrew Keegan watched the first season of True Detective and it really blew his mindhole wide fucking open.

Some may be surprised that the star of 2002’s Teenage Caveman is still alive, nevermind the leader of a cult time religion, but the clues have been there all along. After some deep investigative work (i.e., scrolling through lists about the ’90s ninetiesest nineties to nineties on the ’90s nineties), we found six GIFs that prove Andrew Keegan has always been a leader and a prophet.

The Chosen One has always gone by many names. “Andrew Keegan” is merely what we — the Unenlightened Ones — call him, a set of human noises assigned to his earthbound flesh.

The Chosen One could always spot a lamb in need of a shepherd, a soul that had taken a wrong turn on the path towards Enlightenment, Fulfillment, and Devon Sawa’s pool party.

The Chosen One has always performed miracles.
performed miracles

The Chosen One always asked the hard questions, particularly those concerned with the human subject.
purpose Does any conversation have a purpose? Does life have a purpose? The Chosen One pushes us all towards existential exploration.

The Chosen One has always been comfortable with commanding his followers, handing out mandates to less evolved beings.

The Chosen One is willing to get kicked in the balls for our sins.

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