Truly crazy things are happening in Hollywood: Jennifer Lawrence and the coffee shop barista of music Chris Martin are dating, Jill Scott nudes are things that exist and are on the Internet, and Will Smith is at Burning Man. Yes — the man who made a career out of turning middle school morning announcements into rap songs is at the post-apocalyptic desert amusement park Bad Shroom Trip And Windburn Nipplesland. Don’t believe me? Prepare to have your mind blown (and your sleep haunted by a new nightmare creature):
You can’t make these things up, folks. (Or erase the image of Smith looking like some forgotten Resident Evil character from your mind’s eye. Believe me, I’ve tried.) After immersing ourselves in the newly-crowned Fresh Prince of Burning Man’s discography (i.e., skimming over his Wikipedia page), we realized that he has been rhymin’ about his favorite week-long experiment in “community, art, radical self-expression, and radical self-reliance” since the late ’80s. Take a look:
“Parents Just Don’t Understand”
I got dressed up in those ancient artifacts
And when I walked into school, it was just as I thought
The kids were cracking up laughing at the clothes Mom bought
And those who weren’t laughing still had a ball
Because they were pointing and whispering
As I walked down the hall
As I’m sure you realized after clicking through the Instagram photos of the former president of your high school class who is now a Burner, part-time burlesque dancer, and full-time person who gets excited about goggle sales, costumes (or “self-expression”) are a huge part of Burning Man. These “ancient artifacts” that Smith raps about here are the top hats and cat eye sunglasses that he picked up in the Haight in order to articulate his true light. While the kids at school didn’t understand Smith’s decadence, the Burners wrapped in crusty tie-dye t-shirts that just barely graze their bare genitals do.
The weather is hot and girls are dressin’ less
And checkin’ out the fellas to tell ’em who’s best
Ridin’ around in your jeep or your Benzos
Or in your Nissan sittin’ on Lorenzo’s
When you are in northern Nevada’s Black Rock Desert, the weather sure is hot and dressin’ less is one of the only ways to survive! And inevitably you end up in some mutant vehicle (like imagine what a Transformer would look like if it were a gender-fluid NYU student studying performance art and the philosophy of meaning…that’s the kind of car we are talking about) on the Playa, sittin’ on Lorenzo’s gift of four hundred mason jars stuffed with LED lights and chakra crystals. That’s just life in the summer-summer-summertimmmeeee.
“Wild Wild West”
This entire song is about Burning Man. Tell me no.
“Gettin’ Jiggy With It”
I know you know I go psycho
When my new joint hit, just can’t sit
Got to get jiggy with it
And got jiggy with it, he did — on a Segway, no less.
…Okay, this one is just about Miami. I’ll concede that.
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