Fashion week is like a roller coaster — exhilarating, disorientating, often nauseating, and difficult to get off and go home until it grinds to a halt and you’re forcibly ejected from your seat. It also seems very unpredictable when you’re in the midst of things, but in reality follows a predetermined path that, in retrospect, you realize doesn’t change much from season to season — apart from the snack fridge getting crappier and the shows spread further apart physically.
We can’t determine how your whole week will pan out, but when attending a show, there are some things that remain constants — for better, or for much worse.
1. You will jump off the subway with five minutes to spare until show time, and promptly freak out about being late despite knowing that nothing in fashion world ever starts on time. You will then join a line and wait for 45 minutes. Just like you did yesterday.
2. You will feel super special about getting your photo taken, then suffer a panic attack when the photographer asks you what labels you’re wearing. One year I literally had a photographer change the centerpiece of my outfit from “mom’s old sweater” to “Miu Miu sweater’ — and I’m pretty sure it wasn’t because of my accent.
3. You will pass on breakfast entirely, intending to grab a snack at the tents, only to discover that the sponsor fridges contain only Diet Coke and Water, and the food available to purchase is approximately $5 per calorie.
4. Your hangover will kick in at exactly the same time as this realization.
5. While waiting in line, you will hear a delicious rustling sound and whip around to see who found the snacks — only to see it’s someone crumpling up their seat assignment docket.
6. You will watch the actual show through your iPhone screen, then discover afterwards that runway lights are the absolute worst lights in the world to take photos under.
7. Alternatively, you will watch the show through someone else’s giant iPad that they’re brandishing in front of your face.
8. You will attempt to post one Instagram, and by the time you’ve Googled the designer’s handle the finale walk will be taking place.
9. You will be politely shoved outside by a burly security guard as soon as the lights go up, forced to do all your Tweeting and Instagraming with hands so numb it feels like your wrists are attached to two cold rubber chickens.
10. You can’t wait to do it all again 60 minutes later.