5 Highlights From This Lukewarm Mess of a Beyoncé Diss Track by Jay Z’s Rumored Mistress

There is some impeccable timing going on with the new summer banger “Sorry Mrs. Carter” from Jay Z‘s rumored side chick LIV, but I’m not talking about her sick flow. More the fact that this lukewarm mess was dropped in the midst of the Jayoncé divorce rumors and that new version of Beyoncé’s “Flawless” that you might have heard yesterday. So props for effort.

Unfortunately for LIV and fortunately for Jayoncé, girlfriend’s rap game is definitely not as strong as her cheekbones. But that’s not to say you can’t enjoy this for what it is. Just don’t ask us what that is, exactly. Here are five things to appreciate from the most dismal diss track of all time.

1. LIV wins over her audience with the chill opener, “Your man, he likes model chicks / he likes all naturally flawless model chicks like me.” (0.17) There’s nothing the fans like more than subtlety. It’s also a good idea to show you paid attention to Hal Leonard’s Student Piano Library:
Screen Shot 2014-08-05 at 10.48.43 AM

2. “I make rhymes about my life and style / not knowing it would end up in / Life & Style,” she rhymes with majestic laziness while gazing out the window of the world’s most depressing building.
Screen Shot 2014-08-05 at 10.21.40 AM

3. “We connected on some hip-hop shit, he could be himself with me and he dig that shit.” This also rhymes if you’re careful to not actually listen.

4. My personal favorite part is where she pours a bottle of red three-buck chuck into a generic white wine glass pilfered from Panna II while her waiter was being electrocuted by chili pepper lights. “Popping bottles” is so ’90s.
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5. Then she dares to dismiss the internet’s new favorite sex move as dumb: “It’s time to tell these girls some real shit / about how you became a wife / while you’re talking about a surfboard / c’mon now, surfboard…” OH YES SHE DID.
Screen Shot 2014-08-05 at 10.17.12 AM

Now let’s all place bets on whether LIV can get to 100k views before the Beygency gets involved.

Related links:
Literally Everything You Need to Know About These Beyoncé/Jay Z Divorce Rumors
5 Logical Conclusions to Draw From Beyoncé’s New ‘Flawless’ Lyrics
Iggy Azalea Put on Blast for ‘Honorary Blackness’ in Murderous Diss Track

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