Gay Marriage And Near Death Experiences: It’s America’s Next Top Model

After last week’s cliffhanger, I was anxious to see how the contestants would do on the vertical catwalk. Maybe it’s because I’m used to professional models making everything look so easy, but I was surprised by what a disaster the challenge turned out to be.

In front of a crowd that included Guess CEO Paul Marciano, the 16 models had to walk down the side of a building for a Guess fashion show. Oh, and it was pouring rain. Everyone on the show kept insisting it was 100% safe, but I’m not sure I buy that. Most of the contestants bit the dust, or looked really horrid as they attempted to “strut” while fearing their untimely doom. It was incredibly awkward, especially when one girl decided just to hang there and pose. Renee, the pageant girl, owned it, though and no one was surprised when she won.

The next challenge was a bit more typical to the show, and an obvious choice for a mixed-gendered cast: wedding portraits. But in order to make the idea feel marginally less boring than it actually was, all the shots had “alternative” wedding themes that ranged from gay marriage to objectophilia.

The first couple that went was Jeremy and Jourdan in a “nudist wedding.” Jeremy clearly wanted to start some drama by saying he felt awkward because he’s a virgin (apparently virgins can’t be nude?), but Jourdan had a better reason to feel upset by the shoot: the 19 year old was married in the last year. She said the shot brought back some horrible memories of that time for her, but just like in the premiere, her history couldn’t do anything to make her less bland. I think she’s confused about how modelling works on a fundamental level. She never moves, and clearly couldn’t smize to save her life.

Marvin, who spent much of the episode hitting on all the girls in the house, was appropriately in the  ”group wedding” shot with five femal contestants. As annoying and geeky as he is, he is so hot on camera.

Best insult of the night: Every time Kelly Cutrone talks, you can see Tyra is so happy she hired the woman to be a judge. This night, Cutrone was full of bitchy comments, and we couldn’t narrow it down to one. Here are the best two.

To Chlea (who made an enemy of Cutrone by insulting her judging style):

This picture is busted. I feel like you look like the older woman with a younger lesbian on the back of you.

And to Nina, on her group marriage shot with Marvin and others:

Nina, I have one word for you: babushka. You look like an 80 year old Russian woman who works in a potato field.

At the end of the night, Marvin’s cheekbones Marvin won. The diminutive Chris S. and the unremarkable Bianca left. Now that we’re down to 14 contestants, do you guys have any favorites pegged? Did you think Marvin deserved his win, and were the right people sent home?

 

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