ANTM Recap: Being John Galliano Is Not As Easy As It Looks

Models. Can’t live with them, can’t live without them. Kacey was eliminated last week and true to form, she’ s been chilling at my apartment all week, gearing up for episode seven of ANTM. I’ ll be honest—my week with Kacey was a series of bad decisions that made me sweat. We had some very awkward mixers with the guys downstairs at Nino’s Pizzeria, sexted a bunch of ex-boyfriends, and saw three movies in a row, but only paid for one. It was harrowing and exhausting. I was able to watch some TV in peace. So let’s recap!

The models are shuttled to the Grammy museum where they’re met by Jay and Neil Portnow, president and CEO of the Recording Academy. Neil explains that he needs a Grammy Girl—a model on stage that will hand the Grammy trophy to the winning artist. Liz is freaking out! Because in case you couldn’t guess from the faux-hawk and eyebrow ring, Liz is like, totally rock and roll.

The models pick a partner and head to Chic Little Devil, L.A.’s largest style house. They have 10 minutes to pick an entire Grammy Girl outfit, and boy is it stressful. But wait! The outfit they choose is for their partner, and vice versa. Sheesh, Jay! Why do you have to make it so difficult?

The pairs are Liz and Kayla, Kendall and Chris, Ann and Chelsey, and Esther and Jane. I think my favorite part was when Ann chose a size 12 toga for Chelsey (who’s a size 2, mind you) and then in her adorably manly and socially-awkward yet sincere way, Ann hoped aloud that Chelsey wasn’t mad with her. Oh, Ann, you make my heart sing; you’re so delightfully good-natured and so beautifully clueless. Meanwhile, Chelsey is not amused and sheds a tear over her terrible ensemble. I can see she regrets dressing Ann in a stunning Victorian gown with black lace that also happens to fit Ann like a really tall glove.

Esther and Jane, the two brains of the group, understand that the Grammy Girl is a background role that shouldn’ t detract from the artists. They dress each other in what looks like J.Crew bridesmaids dresses and hope for the best. Kayla gives Liz sequin pants (what is this, Poshe Boutique in Franklin Lakes, NJ? Did you borrow those from Kim G?) and Liz dresses Kayla in a short silvery-pink number. Chris and Kayla look like they just stepped out of Jay-Z’s 40/40 club, despite trying to not look like they just stepped out of the 40/40 Club.

The challenge winner is… Kayla! She gets to be on stage February 13th and hand out Grammys! Pretty cool. She cries because she didn’t have a bed until she was 14 and now she’s a model going to the Grammys. Word.

At the photo shoot the next day, the models portray famous fashion designers and pose with professional models dressed in the fashion of the designer they’ re depicting. Rushka Bergman is the stylist on the shoot, and Francesco Carrozzini is the photographer. Let’s hit it.

Photo of the Week time! The winner is… Ann! Wait. I’m sorry. No, no, I’m sorry, Ann didn’t win. I’m just so used to her winning! It was five weeks in a row, you know. Habits are formed in only three weeks. Anyway! The real winner this week is Liz, I’m told. Yes, Liz. Good for her. She really commandeered John Galliano and rocked her shoot.

The bottom two are Esther and Kendall. My opinion? Should’ve been Kendall and Jane. But the judges are worried the Esther only has one look and won’ t be versatile enough for the demanding industry. Kendall, on the other hand, is like a newborne colt, says Tyra. Wobbly legs, but ultimately born to run. Well said, Ms. Banks. Kendall lacks experience, but the judges haven’t seen a girl like her in years, implying that Kendall’s beauty is extremely rare. I couldn’t agree more—she’ s the only one that really looks like a top model.

The verdict? Bye-bye Kendall. You’re simply still too green, but time is on your side. Come to me. Let me be the Mare to your Colt. Let us learn about this thing called life together. Let us fall down then get back up. Let us DVR Gilmore Girls reruns and Project Runway and absorb all the fashion and style we can. Let us not be judged for thinking that the Gilmore Girls is a fashiony show. Kendall, darling, see you soon.

Lindsay Mannering is a graduate of Boston College with a BA in English Literature and a Concentration in Creative Writing. She’s been thinking about applying for an MFA but is holding out for that engraved invitation.

During the week she spends her hours as an Account Executive in the luxury goods market and is pleased to pair her Payless flats with twenty-thousand dollar chains.

Her interests include college basketball, skinny-skiing and bull fights on acid.

You can follow her on Twitter here.

[Images via ONTD.]

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