We’ve been writing about the Metropolitan Museum of Art 2013 Costume Institute Gala for months. Specifically, that the theme this year was Punk: Chaos to Couture. When prepping for this evening, we were sure we’d be penning a ‘too much chaos!’ debrief rounding up an explosion of Sid Vicious-inspired torn denim vests, or maybe a brave star that took the punk theme way too literally and ended up bloodied or having spit into the crowd (Lena Dunham joked on the red carpet that she’d be looking for a “Greek cistern to spit into,” inside the museum, but we doubt she went through with it). To our shock and, dare we say, disappointment, the most offensive outfits on tonight’s red carpet weren’t bad because they took the theme too far. They were bad because they completely ignored it.
Anna Wintour may have had it in for the theme this year — she allegedly banned a nude statue of Vivienne Westwood, the godmother of punk fashion, from the exhibition — and she showed it by wearing a dress that couldn’t be less anti-establishment if it tried. (It may have tried, actually). First of all, it’s Chanel couture. If Wintour wanted to return to the big C for this year’s gala (last year was the first in six that she parted with the brand), surely Karl Lagerfeld could’ve pulled together something with a bit of black, and a metal accent here and there. The light and airy floor-length floral felt perfect for a dignitary’s lunch in a lush English garden. It made us feel (Johnny) Rotten about her efforts.
Perennial business lady Ivanka Trump wore a Juan Carlos Obando ensemble made up of what looked like a navy button-down shirt tucked into a fluttery emerald green skirt. We’ll give her props for the streaks in her hair, and the spike-adorned accessories, but her outfit was barely outside of her day-at-the-office comfort zone, with a fit that made the normally statuesque lady appear short-torsoed and uncomfortable.
That’s not to say there weren’t stars who stuck with the theme and still came up short. Elle Fanning donned a Rodarte number which, aside from harkening a couple of fashion eras — late sixties tie-dye, early eighties extreme shoulders — did not not even approach punk. We see what Fanning was shooting for with the eye makeup, but the blue smears were more Xanadu than Siouxsie Sioux. We can’t really blame her, though, she was born in 1998 — well after even post-punk had smashed its last guitar.
For more looks that made us snooze, cringe, and want to smash things on stage (because we get punk), take a look at the gallery below. See every single outfit of the night here, and don’t miss our stand-out: Anne Hathaway going boldly blonde and boob-revealing.
this is some kind of spaceship or something.