In case you’ve been
hiding in a cave bouncing around on a completely different planet with earplugs and eye masks vacuum packed onto your face with electrical tape, Beyoncé dropped a new album last Beydey, which was formerly known as Friday.
Twitter proceeded to do what Twitter does best: Hypothesize. There were accusatory tweets about racism, sexism, feminism, humanism, childism, alcoholism and every other kind of ism imaginable. If we pretend there are only two sides to every argument, 14 Beyoncé songs and one contentious issue per song, this is 28 opinions being argued by the entire online world. But there are far more than two sides to one Beyoncé argument and as many contentious issues as you care to find per song, and then there’s a video for every single song. THEN take into account the guest appearances of certain small children and the directorial credits of certain sex creeps: The number of potential think pieces is both infinite and mind boggling.
Enter #beyoncethinkpieces, which is just the hashtag we need to make us realize how completely ridiculous we are. Beyoncé’s glances at the queer world are not substantively engaged and celebrated but rather just voyeuristically depicted as a freakshow? Really, fellow humans?
Read the best #beyoncethinkpieces below, tally up how many of them you might have actually have considered writing IRL, and poke yourself in the eyeball one time for each pencil stroke.