Just When You Thought it Couldn’t Get Uglier, Here Comes the Birken-sock

As with any decision, we shall make a pros-and-cons chart, then promptly throw it away and do whatever we felt like in the first place.

Let’s start with a definition. Birken-socks (trademark pending) are exactly what they sound like: knit foot coverings worn with contoured orthopedic sandals. If we’re being charitable, they can look … unique. If we’re not being charitable, they can make the wearer seem ensemble-y challenged, to quote the honorable Cher Horowitz.

Easy enough, but not so simple is whether we should surrender to the latest permutation of the so-homely-it’s-cool trend. To the list!


Garance Doré did it.
It’s probably comfortable.
Birken-socks would be a nice transition piece.
The Sartorialist will photograph us if we pull it off.


In the likely event we can’t pull it off, we will be ashamed.
We need to buy socks that don’t have stripes or toe caps or dinosaurs on them because neutrals are more blend-y.

So that didn’t really settle anything. In case you’re ready to take the plunge, these are the least offensive of their kind. Not convinced the Birken-sock is right for you? Browse more options below:

Related Links:
Blingy Tevas to Shower Slides: Spring’s Coolest Ugly Shoes
The Return of the Mandal? We Kinda Hope Not
A Field Guide To Spring’s Fugliest Footwear

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