Four Questions We Have About Cate Blanchett’s January Vogue Cover

And that makes five for Cate.

The Australian actress with alabaster, SK-II-slathered skin covers Vogue’s January issue in painterly Céline Spring 2014. Sans graphic brows but avec a playground-equipment bracelet from the same collection, the Blue Jasmine leading lady looks more like she’s reenacting “The Teapot Song” than “standing on the brink of something exciting.”

But we’re not about to judge a book by its leaked frontal image, so instead, we’ve happily taken up Styleite’s favorite pastime: guessing games. (As in 20 Questions without the answer bit.)

Question 1: How did they get her to hold her hand like that? “OK, Cate. You’re a mildly bemused, 30-percent-happy bank robber fanning a stack of bills. Beautiful! Now you’re tired from eating a grilled cheese but you don’t have a plate to put it on.”

Question 2: Aren’t all made-up eyes painted? We assume they’re talking about stuff like this, but that coverline’s reminding us of this.

Question 3: Why is everyone so pessimistic? Things got downright bleak in the comment section when the much-maligned mag sent out a teaser on Instagram, and although we agree Blanchett wasn’t the most inspired choice Commander Wintour could’ve made, attitude adjustments are in order — and that includes Vogue’s head honchoes.

Question 4: By “It-Bag,” they don’t mean the Paddington, the Lariat or, gulp, the Spy, right? Right? Guys?

Related Links:
Cate Blanchett Goes Sans Photoshop For Latest Magazine Cover
Cate Blanchett Looks Luminous On The Cover Of T Magazine
What Is Up With Vogue‘s Recent Covers?

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