After a long and bitter custody battle (which included televised tears, secret weddings, and publicly dragging each other through the mud) supermodel Christie Brinkley and her ex-husband of six years, Peter Cook, have finally reached an accord — and some pretty seething statements were issued on the subject last night.
Although the surrounding circumstances are not at all funny, the statements themselves are downright hilarious.
Brinkley’s lawyer, Thomas Campagna, posted a statement on Brinkley’s Facebook page in a status update last night, in which he essentially used the “liar liar pants on fire” argument, because he felt the need to preempt all the falsehoods that will inevitably emanate from Cook’s people:
Despite the fact that this matter has been settled, Mr. Cook and his attorney continue to garner media attention with outrageous lies and misstatements that have absolutely no reflection upon the parties’ settlement. The statements made by Mr. Cook and his attorney regarding the terms of settlement are simply and completely untrue. Any statements released by Peter Cook should be viewed in the context of his personal history of severe, and well documented, ethical and moral shortcomings, all of which are indicative of his lack of credibility.
Zing! He also states that there will be “intermediaries” as well as a “no contact rule” (to be enforced by Brinkley) to keep Cook from emotionally/verbally abusing and/or email bullying Brinkley. He ends the statement with the following:
The legal matter is now fully resolved. As to Peter Cook’s ongoing character assassination, we will no long dignify his behavior with a response.
And it gets worse (better?). Cook’s new wife Suzanne Shaw also felt the need to issue a statement, for reasons unknown. In the statement, originally obtained by ABC News, she enumerates the lies that Brinkley allegedly told Cook. No, she literally numbers them 1-10. Here is an excerpt from “Lie #10″:
Peter has been your target (and me), but the sad reality is, it is Jack, Sailor and many other innocents … Your spiteful vengeance and continued punishment of Peter no longer fits the crime of his parenthetical infidelity against you 6 years ago. In fact, it never did. You are one of many women who have been cheated on, but one of few who have chosen to disgrace her entire family because of it. “
This sounds a lot more like a middle school feud filled with immature cries for attention than a custody battle to us.
[via The Cut]