A few weeks ago, we introduced you to Dove’s latest product: their “Ultimate Go Sleeveless Nourished Beauty Deodorant” which promises to make your absolutely hideous armpits extra pretty. Last night, Stephen Colbert congratulated Unilever (Dove’s parent company) on its incredibly successful policy of “shamovation”. (Which is pronounced “SHAME-O-VATION”, in case you were wondering.)
Colbert tackled the topic during “The Word” segment of his show — which was ingeniously subtitled “Buy And Cellulite” — and opened by revealing the two tenets of making money. “One of the secrets of sales is fufilling the public’s need,” he explained. “The other secret is inventing the public’s need. Women have been Madison Avenue’s lab rats.”
And thank goodness for that! Because, as Colbert points out, “with Unilever’s help, women have now learned that their armpits are hideous…Remember, it is perfectly normal to lay awake at night worrying about your armpits.”
What a show of solidarity!
Colbert also had some pretty marketable ideas for new insecurities to sell to women! Namely, the legpit, the elbow waddle, and the ever detestable thumb crotch. And with that, he came up with the most exploitably expensive idea to date: the Victoria’s Secret thumb thong. You’ll have to watch the video to see it but once you have, you’ll wonder how you got along all these years without it.