Picture this: Gigi Hadid follows Kim Kardashian onto the cover of Vogue. The Internet’s fingers fall off from overuse. Rotting appendages flow into street as we use mouth-held Ticonderogas to peck out passionate opinion pieces one letter at a time. It would just be Too Much.
Say what you like about Anna Wintour, but you can’t deny she is a Machiavellian businesswoman who’s well aware of how much rage/dismay the average blogger’s body can process before it shuts down completely. This is probably why she chose Emma Stone — goofy, likable, reliable Emma Stone — to grace the May 2014 issue wearing pre-fall Gucci and one of those hats we told you to buy long before Scott Schuman said they were cool.
E’s other qualifications: She gives good interview. She has some new films to promote. She is an unabashed Spice Girls fan, which the magazine finds endearing. She has a cute co-star/boyfriend you always forget is British until he starts talking. (Then you’re like, “‘Elloooooo, Govna.”) She bats a .300 on the red carpet. She has demonstrated a Mr. Bates-like talent for forgery. In other words, she’s the anti-Kim Kardashian.
It wouldn’t be totally accurate to describe Wintour de Force as the disgraced general on a quest for redemption, but the appeasement angle we could definitely see her working. Is this the right way, then, to win back Sarah Michelle Gellar and the 9,008 people who voted “Hate It” on Us Weekly’s poll? We don’t know — last time we checked, a broken heart was pretty difficult to mend.
Image via Fashion Gone Rogue
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