If you thought flatforms were one of the less treacherous shoes to come out of fashion’s footwear’s arsenal, you’d be wrong. Very wrong.
Despite their multiple buckled straps and sturdy, non-vertiginous base, the flatform is a brutal accident waiting to happen. Vogue writer and flatform devotee Liana Satenstein found out the hard way, doing the old 90-degree angle roll in front of a group of construction workers. That’ll get you far more catcalls than the knee pop or skinny arm pose.
The flatform’s incompatibility with more than two glasses of wine is thanks to their inflexible structure. They don’t allow the foot to bend naturally, and make walking on uneven surfaces especially dangerous. According to Yamuna Zake, a yoga instructor who also specializes in foot fitness and leads how-to-walk-in-heels classes, it’s also your own fault:
“Distribute your weight from your big toes to little toes so you are never keeping all your weight bearing into one point in your foot,” Zake told Vogue. “If you keep your weight in your heels, it is easier to keep the ankles from collapsing inward. This keeps the ankles strong and feminine while also preventing swelling.”
Ever the elevated trooper, Satenstein plans to return to her flatforms once her swollen feet have deflated. For the less intrepid, there are always those Adidas pool slides. It’s all about dadcore now anyway.
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