Gwyneth Recommends a Painting of Asparagus for Your Bedroom

Helmut Newtons are démodé and nude portraits, however tasteful, simply aren’t done. So what’s a Goop-fearing woman to put on her walls? Asparagus!

In this week’s newsletter — excuse us, “weekly publication curated by Gwyneth Paltrow” — Art as Therapy author Alain de Botton offers up some interior-design advice for those who just aren’t satisfied slapping their living quarters with a few coats of Benjamin Moore. There is, apparently, a lot more to decorating than figuring out how to position your Drive poster for the best supine view of Ryan Gosling.

For example, keeping Diego Velázquez‘s Christ Crucified in your bathroom will “[invite you] to contemplate the centrality of suffering in the achievement of all valuable goals.” We don’t know about you, but the deepest thinking we’re capable of at 7:00 a.m. is “I’m going to make this wet-hair thing happen.” Also, staring at Jesus bleeding on the cross while you floss might not be the most cheerful start to the day, you know?

In any case, M. de Botton’s suggestions are still worth a skim (if only to find out about the asparagus). For a gentler intro to art, try Part Nouveau. It might not revive your ambitions or reveal the meaning of life, but at least it won’t make your head hurt so much.


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