It’s not easy being pretty…and who knows that better than Jessica Simpson? The buxom blond has a face the majority of Americans would give up a kidney for, but the moment she gains five pounds and shows up on stage in a pair of unflattering jean shorts, Jenny Craig is on the phone trying to book her as their next spokesmodel. Lucky for those of us who count watching the Newlyweds on DVD as a Friday night activity, she turned down the drinkable meals and instead decided to embark on an “around the world in 80 treatments” adventure — cameras in tow — for her new VH1 reality series, The Price of Beauty.
First stop: Thailand. Channeling a khaki-clad National Geographic explorer (if cette explorer wore short-shorts and 4-inch heels), J.Simps and co.– hairstylist Ken Paves and BFF CaCee Cobb — disembark ready to learn the distant land’s get-gorgeous routines and hush-hush beauty secrets. Up first is a Thai massage (which in a brutal twist, Jessica learns has no happy ending), followed by a brief encounter with edible bugs in a Bangkok market, and a meeting with a woman permanently scarred from a corrosive skin lightening cream.
It’s Legally Blond meets the Discovery Channel with just enough Jessica thrown in to make up for the fact that there’s no Nick Lachey. Course, there’s moments — like when she gags over bugs or giggles in a Buddhist temple — where she hits you over the head with the fact that she is white, blonde and American. And as Jessica Wakeman at the Frisky points out, it’s more than a little hard to swallow the authenticity of a Restalyne-injected Barbie doll on the hunt for inner beauty.
But were you really taking this thing that seriously? After-all, the girl doesn’t leave home without her hairdresser/make-up artist. Regardless, whether you watch or not, we’re just hoping, praying, crossing our fingers that a certain ex-hubby tunes in and realizes the colossal mistake he made. Because while her brand of cross-cultural tourism is certainly entertaining, romance makes for better TV. Book your tickets now Nick.