The Poor Shoe Choice Epidemic Sweeping Hollywood

One-time short-girl-insulter Kerry Pieri recently wrote a piece titled “5 Pieces That Instantly Date You.” Arm parties are rightly on the list, as are harem pants and neon. (I resent that last one, though, because I bought a crossing-guard orange Cambridge Satchel two years ago, and I haven’t been able to get the cost-per-wear lower than $0.0047. Plus the image for that slide includes a crossing-guard orange Cambridge Satchel.)

The pick we most agree with, however, is round-toe pumps. For some reason, celebrities insist on wearing those blasted fashion fossils — with platforms! — even with outfits that demand a more delicate/sophisticated shoe. The far-reaching effects of this epidemic were no more obvious than at Saturday’s Kids’ Choice Awards, during which an entire season’s worth of bad decisions culminated in a riot of bondage/stripper references and rampant unwieldiness.

Now, we get that some of these offenders are young and stylist-less, but where do you even find clunkers like that anymore? (Wait — don’t answer that.) A single-sole, pointy-toe heel or the Stuart Weitzman Nudist sandal that’s also gaining contagion status would be far less obtrusive.

Below, we’ve rounded up some of the night’s most cumbersome chaussures along with pretty much the only two attendees whose feet didn’t resemble those of a Clydesdale.

Let’s pray this is just a phase.

Related Links:
Blingy Tevas to Shower Slides: Spring’s Coolest Ugly Shoes
SPOTTED: Proof That Pointy Flats Look Bad On Everyone
PHOTOS: The Best And Worst Of Nickelodeon’s Kids Choice Awards

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