Rachel Zoe Recap: Kim Kardashian And Workplace Kompetition

Previously: there was house-buying! There was baby talk! There was stress and there was Joey Maalouf.

At Rachel Zoe and Rodger Berman’s new place, Jeremiah Brent is tasked with decorating the entire house. He blanches. “Can’t you just go to a couple of furniture stores and figure it out? I mean, seriously,” Rodger says helpfully. Jeremiah is so screwed — he’s finally been given a job in his area of expertise, but the job is to decorate a 7000 square foot house in two weeks. If I didn’t know better I’d say he’s being set up to fail. I also don’t think it escapes anyone that the first real job Rachel has given him is an interior design job rather than a styling job, which is weird … because he was hired as a stylist.

The client: Kim Kardashian, who is doing a Valentine’s Day-themed shoot to promote her fragrance. Kecia Coby, the line’s brand president and a friend of Rachel’s, asks her to take the gig with fewer than 24 hours’ notice. Rachel places a 911 call to Joey and Jeremiah.

Joey gives Jeremiah a five-minute warning as he drives down his street, and shows up at his back door. “Can you wear shoes that don’t take five hours to tie?” he snots. Is the entire season just going to be these two jockeying for the position of Rachel’s favorite? Exhausting!

Once they arrive at her apartment, Rachel tells the two of them to go pull clothes for Kim. So … the makeup artist and the interior designer will be the styling assistants for this shoot. What is going on here? Also, Rachel can only take one of them to the actual shoot, for some totally made-up reason. Each boy thinks that he is the obvious choice. It looks like this season the Brad Goreski-shaped void in Rachel’s life is being filled with a Joey-Jeremiah hybrid creature. Joey takes care of Rachel emotionally, Jeremiah tries his best to take care of Rachel professionally, and the two of them compete with each other.

At Bismarck, Joey is a kid in a candy store, pulling red shoe after red shoe. Jeremiah proffers a leopard print heel, and Joey demurs “I don’t know if leopard is part of the story…” Has he not been reading the Styleite recaps? Joey pulls just about everything that’s red and black in the store despite Jeremiah’s objections that they need to streamline. Rachel loves options, Joey argues. And she loves me more! (He does not say.)

Shoot day! Rachel picks Joey to accompany her. “I’m really proud of you, Rachel, you made the best decision,” he says. Kim and Rachel have never worked together before this shoot, where they’re doing two looks: a white men’s shirt worn with boy shorts, and a long red Dolce & Gabbana gown. Joey and Jeremiah must have done a decent job, as the shoot goes off without a hitch.

Also in this episode: Rodger wants to go to Vegas for the weekend. “I’ve been cranky lately,” he says. This goes over as well as one would expect. Eventually, Rachel agrees to let him go for 24 hours. He’s fine with this, and tells Rachel “It’ll be just like ‘The Hangover’.” Foreshadowing!

Rachel, Rodger and Pam also visit a doula to talk about birth plans, where we learn that Rachel’s ideal birth lasts ten minutes, though she’d prefer that her son materialize out of thin air. She also doesn’t want to over prepare for the birth, because she thinks she does her best work when she’s “winging it.” Rodger wants her to relinquish some control over her business to focus on the baby. Yeah, we’ll see.

Next week: Vegas debauchery! Oscars! Moving!

Quote of the Week: “If [Rachel] had her way everything [in her house] would be white, lacquered and mirrored…she’s like a gay man” – Jeremiah

Runner Up: “I don’t care if I look like a hooker going to the doula” – Rachel, who can’t get dressed anymore, so pregnant is she.

Style Advice of the Week: to look effortlessly sexy, Rachel suggests you wear your boyfriend’s white shirt (…though it also helps to have Kim Kardashian’s sick bod.)

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