Read Kristen Stewart’s Poem About ‘Abrasive Organ Pumps’

"Oh, my God, it's so embarrassing. I can't believe I'm doing this."

"Oh, my God, it's so embarrassing. I can't believe I'm doing this."


Kristen Stewart has a secret hobby to match her brooding scowl and inability to formulate praise about things that smell good. The 23-year-old actress is also a budding poet, with her latest piece being published in esteemed literary arts journal Marie Claire.

For the magazine’s March cover feature, Stewart hosts a juicing party/book club meeting with a few friends from the 818 and one Karl Taro Greenfield. After splashing the journalist with carrot pulp she proceeds to divulge about her life as a reluctant famous, her role as a reluctant spokesperson, her love of taking long road trips, and the intense little verses she believes are somehow essential to her sanity. She then shares a few of the verses she wrote while on a road trip through Texas with a “friend” about a year ago.

“Oh, my God, it’s so embarrassing. I can’t believe I’m doing this,” she tells Greenfield. She then does exactly this, reading aloud thusly:

My Heart Is A Wiffle Ball/Freedom Pole

I reared digital moonlight
You read its clock, scrawled neon across that black
Kismetly … ubiquitously crest fallen
Thrown down to strafe your foothills
…I’ll suck the bones pretty.
Your nature perforated the abrasive organ pumps
Spray painted everything known to man,
Stream rushed through and all out into
Something Whilst the crackling stare down sun snuck
Through our windows boarded up
He hit your flint face and it sparked.

And I bellowed and you parked
We reached Marfa.
One honest day up on this freedom pole
Devils not done digging
He’s speaking in tongues all along the pan handle
And this pining erosion is getting dust in
My eyes
And I’m drunk on your morsels
And so I look down the line
Your every twitch hand drum salute
Salutes mine …

There’s a lot to work with here for those who wish to pen a masterpiece of their own in the form of some RPatz and KStew fan fiction set beneath a dusty sunset — see balls and poles, abrasive organ pumps, and bone-sucking. Others may just appreciate the capitalization of “Whilst” and the very existence of “Kismetly”.

“I like being able to hit on something, like, ‘There it is,’ Stewart claims. “I don’t want to sound so fucking utterly pretentious … but after I write something, I go, ‘Holy fuck, that’s crazy.’ It’s the same thing with acting: If I do a good scene, I’m always like, ‘Whoa, that’s really dope.'”

[Marie Claire]

Related links:
Kristen Stewart Is the Worst (and Therefore Best) Brand Spokesperson Ever
Thanks, Kristen Stewart: Visible Spanx Are Officially a Red Carpet Trend
Why Was Kristen Stewart On Crutches at the Oscars?

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