The Only Royal Wedding Live Blog You Need To Read!

Kate Middleton arriving at Westminster Abbey in Alexander McQueen by Sarah Burton.

It’s the day (morning?!) of the royal wedding and welcome to our appropriately festive live blog! We’ll be watching as much coverage as three people with three televisions, as many laptops, and an overflowing Twitter feed can possibly take in and curating it all here for you! And if you’re not interested in the royal wedding, you should probably follow along as we get more and more sleep deprived, feverish, and progressively incoherent! THIS WILL BE FUN, WE PROMISE.

5:00 a.m.: Most of the guests are seated by now and we’ve seen David Beckham, Victoria Beckham, and a very puffy looking Chelsy Davy arrive at the cathedral. Why does she always look like she’s coming off a four day bender? Wait, don’t answer that. We’ve got all the photos of the guests you can handle right here. (So far it’s just the Beckhams, but we’re updating, we swear!)

5:06 a.m.: Prime Minister David Cameron has arrived with his wife Samantha Cameron who is not wearing a hat.

5:10 a.m.: While we wait for the bridegroom Prince William and his frat-tastic bro Prince Harry to leave Clarence House, let’s talk about the fact that David Beckham is wearing Ralph Lauren! How very American! Anderson Cooper just referred to Princess Diana’s wedding gown as a “meringue of a gown.” Ouch. Also: hilarious! Rowr, Andy.

5:15 a.m.: Prince William is on his way right now. He’s late. The super official and scarily intense schedule says he was supposed to arrive at 5:15. You can see his fancy red and blue uniform from the car. Harry is wearing black. We’ll take one, please. Piers Morgan just quipped, “I hope Harry hasn’t forgotten the ring!” Valid point!

5:18 a.m.: They’ve arrived! Three minutes late. You just know the Queen is pissed.

5:18 a.m.: We’re pretty sure this is will be the snarkiest thing we say all day, but oof, Prince William’s hair. Harry’s on the other hand, looks artfully mussed! Swoon.

5:19 a.m.: The crowds are going wild for Will’s Irish Guard uniform, which features a bright red coat. He’s also wearing a Blue Sash from the Order of the Garter. Harry, on the other hand, is wearing a lot of ropes.

5:24 a.m.: How are people still arriving? Isn’t it bad form to arrive after the Prince? Sultan of Brunei, that’s ballsy.

5:25 a.m.: Kate’s mother Carole and her brother James have left the Goring Hotel, which, by the way, has put up some serious coverage so as to hide any views of Kate’s dress until the last minute. Kate’s mom is wearing a very crisp white ensemble by Catherine Walker, a personal favorite of Princess Diana’s. Aww.

5:32 a.m.: Party bus alert! Four buses just left Buckingham Palace carrying members of the royal family and the Queen’s staff.

5:34 a.m.: Kate’s mom and brother are being escorted down the aisle of Westminster Abbey to their seats. That’s a very long walk. Carole (Kate’s mom!) will be sitting directly across from the Queen. We hope she wore extra anti-perspirant because we would be sweating.

5:40 a.m.: Princesses Beatrice and Eugenie have arrived; their mother Sarah Ferguson, notably, is not invited. How awkward!

They're both wearing Vivienne Westwood.

5:46 a.m.: Prince Charles and Camilla are en route and the crowds are going nuts! Piers snipped, “They wouldn’t have cheered for her like that 10 or 15 years ago.” Camilla is wearing a champagne silk Anna Valentine, with an Anna Valentine blue and champagne coat, topped off with a Philip Treacy hat. Her shoes by Jimmy Choo. Camilla, the fashion plate!

5:48 a.m.: The Queen is wearing yellow! We repeat: the Queen is wearing yellow!

5:50 a.m.: Fun fact: the Queen and Prince Philip were partying at the Mandarin Oriental last night! (So says E!)

5:51 a.m.: OMG THIS IS IT THE DOOR OF KATE MIDDLETON’S CAR IS OPENING. IT’S ALL HAPPENING. SHE’S LEAVING THE HOTEL.

5:52 a.m.: She’s wearing sleeves! SleeveysleevesleevesSLEEVES. We’ve never been so happy. We can’t see much but there is a very large skirt, lots of lace, and a veil. Also, an absolutely gorgeous neckline. Oh, and her hair is down!

5:54 a.m.: Kate’s adorable father is squished all the way over to one side of the car so as to leave Kate and The Dress as much room as possible and WOWZA she looks beautiful. Okay, we’re getting a little verklempt.

5:56 a.m.: And now our ovaries have exploded. Pippa, looking absolutely exquisite (the word of the CNN hour), is escorting all the adorable little bridesmaids and ring bearers and they are so small and tiny and little! But back to Pippa, she’s looking stunning.

5:57 a.m.: We really can’t wait to see the whole dress. Do you think Kate’s arm is tired from all that waving? Can someone puh-lease announce the designer? Fun fact: the bride’s bouquet contains a sprig of myrtle from the Queen Victoria’s myrtle bouquet. WOW.

6:00 a.m.: Kate is out of the car and we’ve officially teared up.

6:01 a.m.: IT’S SARAH BURTON, THANK GOODNESS.

6:02 a.m.: Pippa holding Kate’s train and Kate’s dad holding her hand. THIS IS TOO MUCH FOR US. One of them is shaking. We are taking a break to give her walk down the aisle our full attention.

6:06 a.m.: Wait, did Sarah Burton just adjust Kate’s train?! Right before she turned, Sarah stepped out from behind some shadow and did a little flourish on the train! Now that’s dedication.

6:08 a.m.: Prince William keeps rubbing his palms and Harry has the sassiest grin on his face we’ve ever seen. We want a Harry!

6:11 a.m.: People are singing. Watching the children trying to keep up with the choir is adorable. Watching the adults do the same is awkward.

6:12 a.m.: Kate’s veil has been lifted!

6:15 a.m.: No one objected! Bet you they both just breathed a big sigh of relief. But how funny would it have been if some crazy aristocracy loving royal had jumped into the aisles and been all, “SHE’S A COMMONER!”

6:17 a.m.: Good on them for not CLENCHING each other’s hands in a death grip. They look very relaxed and comfortable. Also, if Kate really did her own makeup, we’ll chug a whole bottle of champagne.

6:18 a.m.: The (welsh gold) ring is on! And kudos to Kate for getting all of William’s names straight. What was that last one? Drury?! (UPDATE: Ohhhh, it’s Louis.)

6:24 a.m.: So, they’re married? And now we’ve got the readings. Good thing they’re short! Kate’s carriage is scheduled to arrive in 6 minutes!

6:27 a.m.: Who knew James Middleton was such a little hottie? Is it sacrilegious to say that while he’s reading the word of God?

6:41 a.m.: Sorry for the break. We fell asleep. JUST KIDDING.

6:48 a.m.: While they finish up all this boring singing and talking stuff, we’ve been posting photos of saucy Harry and less saucy William. We’ve also been reading about THE DRESS. Here’s what you need to know:

It’s by Sarah Burton for Alexander McQueen, duh. The flowers on the dress were all hand cut and appliquéd and train is just under 7 feet long. More details from the official Royal Wedding site:

Hand-cut English lace and French Chantilly lace has been used throughout the bodice and skirt, and has been used for the underskirt trim. With laces coming from different sources, much care was taken to ensure that each flower was the same colour. The whole process was overseen and put together by hand by Ms Burton and her team.

The train was handmade by the Royal School of Needlework, where “workers washed their hands every thirty minutes to keep the lace and threads pristine, and the needles were renewed every three hours, to keep them sharp and clean.” Intense.

6:55 a.m.: And they’re off to sign the official wedding register! Gots to make this official.

6:56 a.m.: They’re showing crowd shots now. We’re not the only ones who look bored by all this singing. Chin up, Samantha Cameron! It’s almost over!

7:02 a.m.: THIS JUST IN. Apparently what Harry said to William when Kate was approaching was, “Wait until you see her.”

Let’s pause to let the Harry love wash over us.

7:06 a.m.: And they’re leaving the Abbey! Will and Kate are holding hands, but as per Anglican tradition, there is no public wedding kiss. DISAPPOINTED.

7:08 a.m.: They’re outside, and getting into a carriage. William is putting on white gloves. This is just all so magical, you know?

7:12 a.m.: Okay, we think Kate just said, “I’m so happy” to William. Also, he apparently said “You look beautiful” when she got to the altar. Ugh, so enchanted.

7:30 a.m.: Now they’re at Buckingham Palace. AND THERE WILL BE A KISS. We are excited. Very excited. We’ve never seen them kiss before!

7:34 a.m.: While we anxiously await The Kiss, the couple is taking some pictures at the Palace. Hope we get a peek at those! Also, all the commentators keep talking about how comfortable William and Kate are with each other. We agree!

7:39 a.m.: So, we’re watching E!, and we simply do not care what some (drunk?) college kids at Denison think about the royal wedding. That was a dumb segment.

7:42 a.m.: The official royal wedding photos will indeed be released, and they’re being taken by Hugo Burnand. If you’ll recall, Mario Testino did the engagement photos (and he’s a guest at the wedding).

7:48 a.m.: Apparently one of the guards ahead of Kate and William (er, the Duke and Duchess) was thrown off his horse. The horse went a little nutso and galloped off down the street! Well, something had to go wrong, right? (Don’t worry, the solider is okay.)

7:53 a.m.: Piers Morgan will not stop talking about the “resurgence of the British monarchy.” Trust us, we’ve been up since 4AM. WE GET IT.

7:58 a.m.: Did you know there were more than sixty cameras in the Abbey alone? That is insane. And yes, we’re still waiting for the kiss.

8:06 a.m.: Kate commissioned four different pairs of shoes for her wedding day with four different heel heights! That’s clever. Also, what we would give to be invited to Prince Harry’s after party. Word is Pippa’s co-organizing. Ellie Goulding is rumored to be performing!

8:15 a.m.: ABC estimates there are 1.5 million people waiting outside the palace to see them kiss.

8:17 a.m.: While Kate’s dress may well be the best kept secret in the history of secrets (Olivier Theyskens, how did you hold your tongue?!), now we’ve moved on to speculating about where they’re going on their honeymoon. Someone joked about Australia but the general consensus seems to be that they’ll go to some other royal family’s island home. Perhaps Jordan. Apparently the British fancy people and the Jordanian fancy people are besties.

8:23 a.m.: TWO MINUTES UNTIL THE ROYAL KISS.

8:24 a.m.: We are in awe of the people who got a front row spot at the Palace gates. How does one make that happen?!

8:25 a.m.: THE CURTAIN IS TWITCHING.

8:25 a.m.: And they’re out!

8:29 a.m.: That was a very short but very sweet kiss.

8:30 a.m.: The kiss as seen by our phone camera as presented by our television:

8:33 a.m.: The crowd was chanting, “Kiss again! Kiss again!” So they did. ADORBS.

8:35 a.m.: And they’ve gone back inside, which means we’re going to call this live blog DUNZO. But our coverage is far, far, far from over. In case you missed some of it, here’s what we have so far:

PHOTOS: Kate Middleton’s Wedding Dress And Designer Unveiled!
PHOTOS: Royal Family Looks Royally Royal At Royal Wedding
PHOTOS: Prince William & Prince Harry Arrive In Full Military Uniform

Thanks to you all for reading along with us, thanks to Kate’s cheekbones for being so delightfully structured, and thanks to William for going in for a second kiss! What a beautiful, beautiful morning.

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