Now You Can Really Get Off to Fantasy With a Nox the Night Drake Dragon Dildo

bad-dragon

I don’t know about you, but when I was watch that scene in Lord of the Rings where Gandalf faces the Balrog at the Bridge of Khazad-dûm I just can’t help but think, “damn, what would it be like to fuck a Balrog?” Wait, no I don’t, because that’s weird. Also Gandalf might die, and I can’t think about sex when benevolent wizards are literally on the brink of death. But if you were so curious, wonder no more — a legit sex toy business exists for people who really, really love fantasy.

Bad Dragon has been thriving since 2008, selling a variety of fantasy-themed sex toys. Majestic dragon and equine dildos appear to be their main jam, each coming with a brief erotic description. From Nox the Night Drake, a sinewy beast designed by “Hyena Queen”:

“Nox not only managed to steal some of your sushi that first day, but he also managed to steal your heart. Your evening walks and late night meetups have finally given you something to look forward to at the end of the day– Nox knows plenty about the city and enjoys showing you the sights. He also knows a few spots in the park that are perfect for a more intimate kind of meeting… the kind of meeting that proves getting “involved” with a Night Drake isn’t such a bad idea after all.”

If only my OK Cupid inbox was this creative. Some of the designs can even shoot out something called “Cumlube“:

“Slick, slippery, stringy and white-tinted, Bad Dragon cum-lube is similar in appearance and handling to real cum, only much easier to obtain in quantity! Use it as part of your regular toy play for a fun twist, or use with an ejaculating toy such as the Drippy Dragon to enhance the experience.”

While you might have missed the initial buzz (pun so intended,) the founders now plan to beef up their customization options, according to Daily Dot. Bad Dragon labs allows community members to submit designs, one of which will be put into production each month. Designers whose submissions are chosen get a free toy and $200 in cash or $400 in store credit.

Weirder than the fact these even exist is that they’re far from the creepiest sex toy floating around right now. And you can’t say they don’t make a pretty funky door handle:

[h/t Daily Dot]

Related links:
This Stuffed Teddy Bear Is Actually the Vibrating Sex Toy of Your Nightmares
The 5 Worst Vibrator Ideas in World History
When Sex Toys Meet Science: 8 State-of-the-Art Vibrators

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