Simon Doonan Writes About The ‘Fashion Apocalypse’ For Slate

A couple of weeks ago, we reported that Simon Doonan was leaving the New York Observer for more digital pastures, specifically to pen a biweekly column for Slate. Doonan (who we saw at Barneys during Fashion’s Night Out wearing fabulous Gucci slip-on sneakers) has started his online gig, and we already can’t wait for the next installment.

Doonan will be writing about what he deems the “Fashion Apocalypse” every other week. What exactly is the Fashion Apocalypse, you ask? The “most terrifying, titillating, tumultuous, fabulously tacky, gloriously glam-obsessed, spray-tanned, deliciously deranged, and relentlessly entertaining period in the history of La Mode,” of course! Says Doonan:

Take an objective look around and you will plainly see that it’s totally Sodom and Gloccamorrah out there! From Uggs to Ed Hardy, from Lanvin to Louboutin, from Pauly D to porno-chic, from prepubescent Internet wunderkinds to geriatric groovers like me, the cacophony of conflicting trends, incomprehensible bloggings, and maniacal “must-have” musings is only getting louder.

So basically he thinks the fashion world is a bit of a mess. Doonan has been around the block, and as such, gives an interesting analysis of why things ended up getting so chaotic. For decades (well, centuries, actually), fashion was for the wealthy and what Doonan calls “marginalized freaks.” But then the ’90s came and people started to care. A lot.

Fashion hitched a ride on the public’s burgeoning obsession with celebrity, edging its wicked way onto the red carpet and, bit by bit, into the center of the cultural landscape. E’re long, everyone in America was delusionally identifying with the stars and, by association, with their freebie designer frocks. “Where’s my Dior? Where’s my Valentino?” they shrieked. Within the space of a couple of decades, fashion had gone from being an unwelcome effete intruder to the only motherluvin’ thing the population cared about.

This resulted in “unlimited, unsupervised fashion masturbation, 24/7,” which is maybe one of the best things we’ve read in a really long time. Simon, never change! See ya in a couple weeks!

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