Suri Cruise Critiques Celeb Progeny Style On New ‘Burn Book’ Tumblr


There’s a new Tumblr in town, peeps, and this one is a keeper. Suri’s Burn Book chronicles the innermost mean girl thoughts of Hollywood’s most fashionable (and apparently judgmental) progeny. Shiloh Jolie-Pitt, Cruz Beckham, and Violet Affleck all fall victim to her sharp-tipped typing, but not even her own mother is immune. A few of our favorite lines, after the jump.

On newly born Beckham, Harper Seven:

David Beckham now says that the name “Harper” comes from Harper Lee, the author of To Kill a Mockingbird, and “Seven” is because it represents “spiritual perfection” and, yes, also because of his jersey number.

PLEASE.

I’m five, and even I know that the only authors worth naming a child after are Dostoyevsky and Greta van Susteren.

On the Lopez-Anthony twins:

I feel sorry for Max and Emme because they have Jennifer for a mom (selfish) and Marc for a dad (unfortunate genes), and because their parents are going through a divorce. That’s rough.

But I feel sorry for MYSELF because my damn mother is the face of Ann Taylor while these kids’ mom is the face of GUCCI. GUCCI. What’s the best I can get out of Katie’s endorsement deal? An accessories shoot for Ann Taylor Loft?

And then I barfed.

And, finally, accompanying the following photo of the Jolie-Pitt clan is this takedown of Shiloh olive branch to Zahara:

What an attention monster.

I understand the urge to act out when you have five siblings fighting for your mother’s attention, especially when it’s obvious she’d rather be focusing on ruining other people’s marriages and shopping for things that are black.

But do you have to run around an airport behaving like you’re on ecstasy?

Zahara’s face says everything. Her life must be really rough. I’d like to have her over for a tea party to discuss all our problems.

[via Crushable, image via SocialiteLife.]

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