Traveling to Odessa, Ukraine, is bound to be an eye-opening experience no matter who you have as your tour guide. But if it’s “Human Barbie” Valeria Lukyanova, you probably won’t miss the opportunity to do things like sample solid foods or have something resembling a meaningful conversation.
Of course, we were made aware that Lukyanova wasn’t just a Photoshop hoax when she took her “Amatue” brand (she doesn’t adopt the Barbie name herself) to the United States last year. Among her triumphs was a spread in V magazine, though outside of that her media coverage amounted to a few Gawker headlines and a lot of ridicule.
Well, no such thing as bad publicity, right? That appears to be Lukyanova’s new adage (alongside “eating is cheating” and “white is right”) judging from her new GQ profile. Half of you wants to slap her and half of you wants to give her a hug, and the end effect is equal parts creepy and depressing. Here’s the latest on Lukyanova, if your fleshy human-sized waist can stomach it:
1. She has completely given up solid food.
“We order food, in a manner of speaking. Kamasutra being an Indian restaurant, there are the usual three chutneys on the table — mint, tamarind, and chile. Valeria gets a carrot juice, then proceeds to upend all three chutneys into it, swirl the result with her straw, and drink. This gag-inducing mix, she explains, is her dinner; she is on an all-liquid diet these days.”
2. She uses another human to emphasize her unnaturalness.
“Compared with Valeria, Olga is just a human in a lot of makeup, no more or less augmented than any Miami Beach body, wearing some sort of purple Power Ranger outfit (self-designed, she later explains). I instantly understand why Valeria insists on having her around. She seems to be there for scale, to subtly underscore Valeria’s ethereality.”
3. She’s blatantly racist.
“That’s because of the race-mixing… For example, a Russian marries an Armenian,” Valeria elaborates when talking about global beauty ideals. “They have a kid, a cute girl, but she has her dad’s nose. She goes and files it down a little, and it’s all good. Ethnicities are mixing now, so there’s degeneration, and it didn’t used to be like that. Remember how many beautiful women there were in the 1950s and 1960s, without any surgery? And now, thanks to degeneration, we have this. I love the Nordic image myself. I have white skin; I am a Nordic type—perhaps a little Eastern Baltic, but closer to Nordic.”
4. Women actually fawn over her in the street.
“Walking the dark Odessa downtown with the Human Barbie flips on all my protective and fearful circuits at once. Everyone looks. Leather-jacketed youths stare heavily, meaningfully. Kids stare, which is somehow worse. Women stare, too. But here’s the thing—other women’s looks are largely approving. “Your waist is so amaaazing,” coos the plain brunette ticket taker. Valeria’s waist is basically a sock of skin around her spinal cord.”
5. She believes parenting is the pinnacle of selfishness.
“It’s unacceptable to me,” says Valeria. “The very idea of having children brings out this deep revulsion in me… “I’d rather die from torture, because the worst thing in the world is to have a family lifestyle.”
6. She is “against feminism.”
“I’m against feminism,” Valeria says proudly. “But what would you keep the children for? So they can get you a glass of water when you’re on your deathbed?”
7. She is plotting an Amatue global takeover.
This includes working on a New Age opera, obviously.
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