"This doesn't look like Jamaica."
Out of all the Girls, Shoshanna Shapiro is clearly the most driven, so imagining her going for the Olympic gold isn’t that farfetched. For one, she is seriously disciplined. How else can you remain a virgin far longer than all of your other friends, even after growing up with a promiscuous cousin like Jessa? The Jewish American Princess also has the means to compete. Her parents already shill out $2,100 a month for her Nolita apartment, they would certainly be willing to spring for the best training money could buy.
Thanks to the genius behind this Shoshi Games Tumblr, we can actually see Shosh competing in all of our favorite events.
“Oh that’s amazing. It’s really hard for a Jew to gain respect in sports.” — Jessa
Shoshanna would be perfect for biathlon, a winter sport that combines cross-country skiing and rifle shooting, while keeping your hair out of your face. “I feel like my bandana collection is like my most developed collection.”
A four girl bobsled team? “This is like the most SATC.”
Shosh can show of her flamboyant side braids while curling.
She knows what gives you wings. “My friend Rachel is fully addicted to blueberry Red Bull and she always tells me she hasn’t had one and she tells like with a blue tongue.”
With her love of sparkles and intricate updos, Shoshanna was meant to be a figure skater. She looks like she could walk right on to the Russian team.