5 Career Options For The Situation (None Of Which Involve Design)

Thank heavens for Jenni “JWOWW” Farley’s new clothing line. Ever since the first episode of MTV’s Jersey Shore aired, one question permeated through our brains: Where do I get the clothes!? We know you’re with us. Not.

With every pseudo-celebrity comes a pseudo-side project. And unfortunately for the fashion world (and fortunately for humor’s sake), it typically comes in the form of a clothing line. At the MTV Movie Awards, JWOWW debuted a “dress” from her new collection, Filthy Couture. We find the name fitting — minus the “couture” part.

If you’ve seen any of the Jersey Shore, you know how competitive the cast members can get. So when one fist pumper gets a spot in the limelight, another must move in. And who better to do so than Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino.

In light of Filthy Couture, The Situation is teaming up with Dilligaf (which, if you didn’t know, is an acronym for “Do I Look Like I Give A Fuck”) to create a “couture line of high-quality wearable art.” Uh oh.

Jodi Massry, president of Dilligaf told the New York Post of the collaboration,

“Mike ‘The Situation’ embodies our irreverent approach to life. He lives the ‘let’s not take things so seriously’ mentality every day. We approached him because we knew we would be a perfect fit. His style is unparalleled, his creativity unending.”

Call us crazy, but we don’t see The Situation’s “wearable art” joining the ranks of our favorite celebrity designers, nor do we think Mike is the next Stephen Sprouse.

For someone who is so often seen shirtless, we find it odd that The Situation chose fashion as his side project. So because he seems confused, and because we’re always willing to lend a hand, we’ve come up with some alternative endeavors for The Situation that we find more fitting.

1. Creating an abs workout tool
This seems an obvious choice for the man that boasts his stomach “is a situation.” Why not help other men — or women (we don’t discriminate) — acquire the same frightening 8-pack that he has?

2. Opening a contour spray tanning salon
Who better to help shape your body with the useful tool of a tanning spray-can. You know those salons that offer some fake body enhancement by darkening a tan line here and there? We think The Situation would know exactly where to enhance one’s muscles.

3. Becoming a consultant to Christian Audigier and/or Dov Charney
Let’s face it. The Situation is pretty sketchy. Which is why he would be the perfect person to help CEOs like Christian Audigier and Dov Charney maintain their own creepiness.

4. Authoring a diet book
4 part tequila + 1 part barbeque chicken + 2 cups Muscle Milk = The Situation’s answer to Snooki’s Cookie Diet.

5. Selling hot tubs
How many times in one season did Mike try to get a girl or a cast member to join him in the hot tub? It’s almost as if someone was paying him to get people in. We think Mike would be the ideal person to sell and or design the perfect hot tub — perhaps with pick-up line decals across the tub’s floor?

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