Beyoncé should probably stay right the hell away from Kanye West until her vegan bender is over, because 2013 West comes with a larger-than-normal helping of non-optional beef. Even those who didn’t intentionally or even outright insult Ye got a helping, from Zappos CEO Tony Hseih to the Association of French Bakers (who knew pastries could be so controversial?) Fashion also copped a big serving of Yeezus pique, due to both Hedi Slimane and Louis Vuitton failing to recognize his status as a supreme being. And that’s just one slice of the meat pie.
See the best of the beefs below.
1. Kanye West vs. Jimmy Kimmel
The West/Kimmel beef was the most popular flavor of 2013. In case you’ve been MIA from the internet since the beginning of October, things escalated after Kimmel decided to parody West’s explosive Zane Lowe interview by reenacting it through the mouths of two small children. West was arguably in the right, with Kimmel’s mockery of leather jogging pants and the rap game doing little other than suggesting he’s out of touch with pop culture. But Kanye also effectively turned himself into the butt of the joke via a series of tweets comparing Kimmel to Sponge Bob and ranting about hanging out with Kimmel’s father at a wedding. The two have now kissed and made up.
2. Kanye West vs. Hedi Slimane
In the aforementioned Zane Lowe interview, Kanye also went off on Slimane for favoring rock over rappers. ”Yeah, he’s got some nice $5,000 jeans in there. It’s some nice ones here and there, some good shit here and there,” he told Lowe. “But we culture. Rap the new rock and roll. We culture. Rap is the new rock and roll. We the rock stars. [Zane Lowe: “It’s been like that now for a minute.”] It’s been like that now for a minute, Hedi Slimane! It’s been like that now for a minute.”
Kanye then served up a second helping of Slimane beef during his two-night Yeezus tour affair at NYC’s Madison Square Garden. “He was once a friend of mine, in the time of Christian Dior, the motivational rant began. ”And I used to wear his tight-ass jeans when I was on tour and get called names for it . . . And Hedi Slimane was a god who didn’t serve no bullshit . . . But it takes a god to recognize another god. So when he told me you can come to my show, but you can’t come to see Phoebe [Philo] and you can’t come to see Riccardo [Tisci], that was odd. He tried to control me! He tried to tell me where I could go!”
So yeah, “I Am a God” wasn’t just about pastry.
3. Kanye West vs. Zappos
In which a god was outsmarted by a toilet plunger. It all started when Kanye revealed he had gotten into an argument with online fashion retailer Zappos.com’s CEO Tony Hseih, saying:”I got into this giant argument with the head of Zappos that he’s trying to tell me what I need to focus on. Meanwhile, he sells all this sh*t product to everybody, his whole thing is based off of selling sh*t product.” Tweeting a link to West’s comments in an article on E! Online, Zappos added “It’s true” and included a link to the $100,000 plunger. Well played, Zappos. Well played.
4. Kanye West vs. Louis Vuitton
Saint Laurent wasn’t the only fashion label to feel Yeezus’ wrath in 2013. During a recent interview with 92.3 NOW radio, West launched a diatribe against Louis Vuitton for their failure to recognize his genius: “What happened was while I was out in Paris I wanted to meet with the head of Louis Vuitton, he said I don’t understand why we need to meet with you. I said, ‘let me explain to you why you need to meet with me.’ Everybody in New York City right now don’t buy any Louis Vuitton until after January. Now do you want to meet with me? Now do you want to meet with me? Influence. They think that I don’t realize my power.”
We will have to wait until after January to see whether Kanye’s call for a boycott has any effect on Louis Vuitton’s sales, but for now the brand is having the final word simply by refusing to get involved — which was Kanye’s whole beef in the first place. It should be noted that in the same 92.3 NOW interview Kanye praised the Kardashians for prepping America to accept interracial relationships.
5. Kanye West vs. The Association of French Bakers
The croissant is not a pastry to be rushed. No one knows this more than the Association of French Bakers, who took issue with Kanye’s infamous “I Am a God” lyric, “Hurry up with my damn croissants.” The bakers wrote a letter to Kanye scolding him for failing to recognize that baking a croissant requires the precision of a Japanese origami master:
“Assuming you, as a man of means, dine exclusively at high-end restaurants and boulangeries during your voyages to Paris, it could not be possible that the delay of your “damn” croissants originated from slow service. And certainly, you are not a man to be satisfied with pre-made croissants from the baked goods case reheated and tossed out on a small platter. No — you had demanded your croissants freshly baked, to be delivered to your table straight out of the oven piping hot.”
They also called his daughter “Nord”. The letter is fake, but it is better than the sum of all The Onion’s parts.
6. Kanye West vs. Nike
Kanye wants you to know he has no beef with Drake for taking up a deal with the Just Do It giant, but is drinking lots of Nike haterade himself. West had a long-standing relationship with Nike, but has jumped ship to sign a new deal with Adidas, who apparently didn’t refuse him royalties on the grounds of not being a “real athlete”. He’s got a family to provide for, you guys.
7. Kanye West vs. Random Heckling Fan
Kanye West did NOT take kindly to a fan heckling him to take off his Maison Martin Margiela mask during a concert this past Sunday. ”Now, you can see my face on the Internet, every motherf–king day,” West yelled at the crowd. “I came here, I open up a mountain…and you tryin’ to tell me how to give you my art.” He then proceeded to throw her out of the venue, because Kanye West. Watch the profanity-laden video above.