This Eight-Year-Old Girl’s To-Do List Proves She Is an Assassin-in-Training and a Feminist Icon

Does anyone know if there is a One Direction-branded straitjacket on the market or if Hannibal Lector’s face mask comes in junior sizes, because Redditor lala989 should probably take some preemptive measures when it comes to her terrifyingly calculated eight-year-old daughter. Think I’m exaggerating the horror that can be raised by a girl who still writes in clunky oversized letters? Just check out the picture lala989 shared of her daughter’s list “in case anything happens to her older brother”:


Is it just me or is this girl no longer playing in the realm of the hypothetical — it is only a matter of when, not if, something “happens” to her older brother. Just look at what happens to poor Blackbear! He knows/see too much, so of course he has to disappear. Bears can’t be trusted; they’re notorious snitches: put one of their high-grade polyester fiber paws to flame and they open up like a gummy vitamins container without a child-proof cap.

But what’s with all the hammering in this fantasy? Either homegirl has seen too much or just enough (depending on how your allegiances swing) Misery. Either way, if I were lala989, I would immediately hide my daughter’s My First Toolbelt and install a lock on my bedroom door Sorry, Ethan, but no one can save you now.

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