Shin extensions are still just a figment of Eion Colfer’s imagination, but from the alarmingly resentful sounds of Kerry Pieri’s “5 Rules for Being a Short Girl in Fashion,” she’d be the first in line for a pair of elongated tibiae if the nerds ever got around to inventing them.
In a piece for Harper’s Bazaar, Pieri recommends the vertically challenged set “never, ever agree to pose with a model” or wear anything more walkable than a Prada platform because “[three-inch heels] do so little in a world of 5’10″ers in 5 inch heels that they’re rendered basically negative-three inches.” She then closes with a feeble attempt at shirking responsibility: “Do not misunderstand: embrace your stature, let your petite flag fly — but know that it’s best to still be able to converse with people comfortably.”
It’s probably not very constructive for us to suggest Ms. Pieri take a nice, long dip in Lake Michigan, so instead, we’ve written our own guidelines for all the pint-sized fashion professionals out there. Lay down your teeny-weeny pitchfork for a moment, and check these out:
1. It’s not your problem if someone’s not willing to see eye-to-eye. If Anna Wintour can stoop to talk to Mary-Kate Olsen, then, by God, some random PR can bend down to talk to you. If she won’t, then tilt your head up. Or keep speaking to her boobs. It’s whatever you want it to be.
2. Don’t slouch. That goes for everybody.
3. Never underestimate the power of novelty. Take your token small person status and run with it.
4. You are 8 feet tall. This is not a New Age-y affirmation or a mantra someone with a Napoleon complex would say to herself. It’s the truth if you have confidence. When you believe in yourself, you know you’re as good and as beautiful as any Karlie-Kloss-proportioned ex-runway-stalker.
4.5 There are no rules. Now run along and play.