So Christmas is gone. The new year looms, and with it fleeting promises of redemption, reclamation, or maybe just fingernails without bite marks on them, depending on which resolutions you’ve resolved to break next year. New Year’s resolutions are all about separating the old from the new, figuring which parts of yourself you’d like to leave in the past and which parts you’ll continue to cultivate. Normally it doesn’t matter whether or not you keep them. The intention is there, and failing to stop texting your ex when you’re over the five margarita threshold is just a small bump in the never-ending road to self-improvement.
But this leniency doesn’t apply in every circumstance. There are some cases in which it’s not okay to fall off the wagon, and some things that will literally make us scream if we continue to see them in 2014 — like the wrong use of the word “literally”. Other examples include “rocking a fierce blackface” (there are three things wrong with that sentence, and “a” is not one of them), wedge sneakers, and grills.
See below for the probably incomplete yet very important list of things not to take with you when you enter 2014.
this is some kind of spaceship or something.