Total Idiot Sells ‘No Masturbation Challenge’ For Men, No Complaining For Women

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Tim Ferriss is an asshat appropriately dubbed by The Daily Beast as “a walking TED Talk,” whose profession it is to provide unfounded life-coaching from a straight white dude perspective, dressed up as “lifestyle blogging.” His latest betterment challenge is called NOBNOM, and turns out to be just as slobbery as it sounds.

NOBNOM stands for “NO Booze, NO Masturbation” and, essentially, it promises the following (on the basis of obviously solid medical fact) if men abstain from booze, porn, and jerking off for 30 days:

  • “A dramatic surge in free testosterone and sex drive.”
  • “Increased ability to focus and cognitive endurance”
  • “Getting roughly 50-100% more done.”

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Especially when you consider this rousing, Dr. Oz-esque testimonial from Ferriss:

“Dozens of my seemingly healthy male friends, techies in particular, have approached me over the years about chronically low testosterone. There are many potential causes, including late-night blue light, but removing booze and porn appear to open the flood gates. Research shows that alcohol reduces testosterone levels. So…should you be dating more? Trying a little harder instead of wanking, watching Battlestar Galactica, and calling it a night? This will help motivate you.”

Of course, this challenge seems specifically aimed at dudes, as though no one without a self-erecting dick enjoys a night of wanking, watching BSG, and calling it a night. In my circles, Mr. Ferriss, that’s just what we call RADICAL SELF-CARE.

Not to leave those leaning in, real feminist-type chicks out, Ferriss generously offers a v. specialized lady modification on the NOBNOM challenge, which swaps out 30 days of no masturbating for 30 days of no COMPLAINING. Because unlike men, he says, women should be masturbating more. Ahem:

“NOTE: If you don’t masturbate (a lot of women don’t but should), or if you otherwise don’t watch enough porn to care about abstaining, here’s another option:

NOBNOC — No Booze, No Complaining

For this version, please first read ‘Real Mind Control: The 21-Day No-Complaint Experiment.’ Then, join the same NOBNOB challenge page to be part of the community.”

He promises that this challenge will alleviate productivity issues, lethargy, and mild depression while helping you “level-up your life.” Just what we’ve always wanted with crackpot self-help woowoo: video game analogies. Also, like, wouldn’t just smoking less weed also accomplish all of the above?

To recap all in one sleek, sexist package: dudes should jerk off less, because it’s turning them into mouth-breathing pussies; women should jerk off more because *mouth-breathes loudly*, and complain less, because isn’t that the equivalent of lady-masturbation?

In other words, the answer to all your problems is to stop your healthy releases of stress via orgasm and venting. Decompression is poison. Def just bottle your emotions and strive for #PositiveLiving, man.

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[The Blog of Tim Ferriss h/t The Daily Beast]

Related links:

More Porn! Feminist Advice for Virgins Like Elliot Rodger
5 Sexuality Tips Written for Tweens That I Carry With Me Into My Late 20s
The 5 Best Websites to Soothe Your Lady Boner

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