Nobody on the Styleite staff has ever taken part in Black Friday. It scares us. It scares us more than Lanvin for H&M scared us. And we really love shopping. About 1 in 5 Americans are braver than we are, and will indeed be shopping the day after Thanksgiving. One woman is so excited that she’s been camping out since yesterday. Yesterday! Yesterday was Monday. We try not to be judgmental here, but clearly this lady is a crazy person.
Allow us to share some quotes from Lori Davenport, the St. Petersburg-dwelling nutjob who is the first person in the world lined up for Black Friday. Firstly, she wants you to know she’s totally normal:
We’re just like the regular people.
Right. Her camping out (in a tent with an air mattress, a chair and little else) is actually the realization of a lifetime goal:
To us it’s more about being first and having the whole experience of what this brings to you. We never thought we need to be first for any sort of firstness, just for our own firstness — to make ourselves happy and that we accomplished something that was a personal goal.
In which she hates on our own Thanksgiving plans in the longest run-on sentence of all time:
Thanksgiving doesn’t mean just that you have to go to somebody’s house and have the traditional turkey and spend eight hours a day cooking and cleaning and enjoying the good meal and the family and then cleaning up and going home and sitting on the couch and falling asleep watching football.
And what does this woman plan to buy? Maybe a laptop, a blu-ray player and a TV for her daughter. Yes, she has kids! Who the hell is watching her kids right now? And is the “we” she is referring to her husband, who is similarly crazy? Also! It’s not like these stores are giving away stuff for free! Our collective head is spinning.
Please watch the video below so we aren’t the only ones who feel residually nuts.