STUDY: Shopping Causes Impotency And Beer Bellies

It’s the health discovery heard ’round the world — in the BCBGs, the Nordstroms, the lifestyle shopping centers popping up on every corner of suburbia — and it’s making us realize why the caged bird sings. Okay, not really, but we are starting to make sense of the boyfriends and brothers who sit gloomily in loveseats and on benches of retail stores everywhere.

According to a Telegraph health article, scientists recently “proved” that the act of shopping is immasculating to the conventional man — as long as he keeps the receipts, that is. Researchers discovered that some till receipts have enough of a hazardous chemical compound called Bisphenol A (also known as BPA — the same stuff that makes plastic water bottles toxic) to stifle male hormones.

The chemical compound is used as invisible ink and when handled, can be ingested through hand-to-mouth contact or food.¬†According to professor and Berlin-based urologist Frank Sommer, in the long term, this exposure “leads to less sexual drive, encourages the belly instead of the muscle to grow and has a bad effect on erection and potency.”

Being terrible in bed and developing an undeserved beer belly would hinder us from shopping too! BPA has already been banned in Canada and three US states, but that doesn’t even cover the the planet’s most concentrated areas of consumerist activities.

Don’t fret male shopaholics, we do have an advice for those who want to conserve their manhoods: just tell the cashier to keep a receipt and open an online banking account.

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