The 11 Most Insanely Expensive Things To Buy A Child

$200 initially seemed semi-reasonable for a Christian Dior “Infant Gift Set” — a relatively small price to pay if it were some sort of comprenhensive kit to luxe for baby’s first months. Upon closer inspection, the “Infant Gift Set” is neither comprehensive nor luxe, offering a cotton jumper, a hat certainly no baby would be able to keep on its head for more than five minutes, and a plastic bottle. The chief differentiating factor seems to actually be the “Baby Dior” medallion printed on the jumper and hat — a medallion that surely did not exist before this specific product. In fact, the nicest thing about this galling disregard for $200 seems to be the heavy, cream colored box and its accompanying ivory ribbon.

On to something better. People will take excessive numbers of photos when your baby girl takes her first steps, won’t they? This Bonpoint romper veritably promises those first steps will be made through a field of rioting tulips, tottering towards mom and dad’s outstretched arms, with maybe a black lab bounding around in the background, instead of while everyone’s back is turned, towards a burning hot stove. What’s $205 in the face of that? And what about les garcons? This $240 Eye Spy Teddy Ears Hat and Cashmere footy will surely appreciate being memorialized.

This $540 Calypso Crib Bedding will work nicely with a posh crib…

I actually have plans to have a tailor reproduce this $196 Amelia dress, and many other Baby CZ items, in my own size.

For mini-Blairs to trot around the Upper East Side and West Village in on crisp late-fall days — a Marc Jacobs patterned, wool coat. And guess what? It’s on sale from $363 to $199.

People can waste increbile amounts of money to look dumb (see: Ugg boots, intentionally distressed denim, “haute” tie-dye. Also, this Shearling Baby Papoose.

I am prepared to hate everything about a $292 Juicy Couture faux fur coat for babies, but I would have raised hell for this as a girl, and wouldn’t blame my daughter if she did the same.

Dear God, this is amazing. And $489.

What could she possibly be toting? Is it worth more than £495? Because that’s how much this D&G Ponyskin handbag costs.

Of course, sometimes the extravagent baby gift misses its mark. The $75,000 Sleeping Beauty La Belle Au Bois Dormant coach? I would have squealed, run into it, and been done with it in less than five minutes in search of a tree, which probably would have provided more entertainment.

If my husband ever tries to play baseball with my son with an $8,500 Hermes baseball mitt, I will probably divorce him. Rawling, please.

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