Are You A Jerk If You Keep Your Shopping Tips A Secret?

by Jackie Johnson | 5:25 pm, May 7th, 2010

How do you deal with strangers asking you where your clothing came from and how much it cost? I’m all for sharing, but sometimes it feels invasive and ill-mannered. Am I thinking about it too hard?

This is a great question because there are so many layers to it and I am sure women for generations have struggled with the answer. So, no, you are not thinking too hard.

I have several different scenarios I have found myself in that I would like to share in order to hypotheses a rational answer to this question. Fashion is serious business, folks.

First, a friend of a friend would always wear these amazing patterned silky tunics that were to die for. So one day a friend asked, “You always have the most amazing tunics! Where in the world do you get those?” Fair enough, right? The woman responded with a little bit of a giggle and said, “It’s my secret store!” Then my friend probed again, “Well, where is it?” This time the woman got very serious and said, “Honestly, I don’t let anyone know. It’s my secret shop.” Seriously? Seriously.

OK, so my first thought during this awkward exchange was, honestly, “Bitch!” It was totally bizarre and weird and, well, what the hell?! However, my second thought was if she went around telling everyone where her super fly silky tunics were from, everyone would have a super fly silky tunic which would have the direct effect of making said tunic ordinary. So maybe she had a right to keep her secret store secret.

This happened again with another friend who had texted me that she was at a store on Lafayette Street in New York and we should meet up. When I met her, she was rocking a pair of super studded Keds. Naturally, I said, “OMG! Those are adorable! Where are they from?” But she wouldn’t tell me, so for the next few weeks I went up and down Lafayette street until I finally found Bess. I should note that this was a good friend, too, like someone I would invite to my birthday or call if I was in the hospital.

Now, on the flip side, I am the biggest fashion oversharer ever. I will not only divulge where I got something but how much I paid, where you could find it, and potentially give you a coupon code. It makes people happy and what am I, if not a people pleaser? However, there was one time when I lied. I was at a Starbucks, rocking this very cool, ornately detailed finger ring I got a T.J. Maxx. Yes, I am an occasional Maxxinista. This immaculately dressed older woman came up to me and gushed, “Wow, is that a family heirloom? It’s beautiful.” Now, while I’m totally thinking, “No! It was $20! It sometimes turns my finger green!”, I didn’t want to disappoint her or make her think I was cheap so, yeah, I told her it was my great-great-grandmother’s. Feel free to judge me.

Now back to the original question. I think if it makes you uncomfortable to answer those questions, a simple “I totally can’t remember where this is from!” should suffice. I also think if people ask “Who is that by?” or “Where did you get that?” you totally have the right to decline to answer. However, rest assured that you will be perceived as a bit of a bitch. I know this is an advice column and that telling you to lie is probably horrible advice, but sometimes it’s just necessary.

As for my amazing new dress? It was a gift.

accepting a compliment advice