An Open Letter To Alexa Chung’s Flats (And/Or Kitten Heels)


UPDATE: A few people have pointed out that Alexa Chung’s “flats” may in fact be these kitten heels by Valentino. The first time she wore them, they definitely looked like flats, but we’ll admit that this photo (left) gives credence to the kitten heel potential. However, when compared with the Valentinto shoes (which can also be seen on The Sartorialist), you’ll notice that Chung’s version are ever so slightly different. The Valentino shoes have three ankle straps, and a studded piping around the toe. Chung’s have only two ankle straps and an extra strap at the toe. That said, and in the words of one of our tipsters, they are still not very attractive, and thus our Open Letter stands.

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Dear Alexa Chung’s Flats (Or Possible Kitten Heels),

Why do you exist? No, really: why? How did you, an extremely pointy, creamy beige-colored flat featuring a studded t-strap with no less than three cross-straps including an ankle one, come to be? I’ve done some looking, and I haven’t managed to uncover who designed you, but I’m sad for them.

Pointy-toed flats are a tough sell for (and on!) a lot of people. But when you throw in a studded ankle strap, you’re doing an instant and extreme disservice to anyone who tries to wear you. Talk about cutting someone off at the, um, ankles.

Alexa Chung clearly loves you — she’s worn you twice in one heavily photographed week! — but even Ms. Chung is suffering at your seriously dowdy hands, mainly because she insists on wearing you with cutesy dresses. While I’ll admit that I have a categorical distaste for pointy flats, more than a few people have pointed out that you are at your highest potential when paired with high-waisted, wide legged trousers or jeans. In other words: you look best when covered up and when your angry point is juxtaposed against the loose drape of a large cuff.

But in your current iteration and excess ornamentation, you’re all I see! Alexa Chung is a beautiful woman and her checkered frock and classic trench deserve to be the focus of this look, not you. You know what you are? You’re an attention hog. By being so long, so extreme, and so studded, you’re stealing the spotlight of a show that isn’t and should not be yours. If you had a heel and thus were adding some value (in inches) to this ensemble, then sure — you could close your eyes, bow, and bask in the spotlight. But, as you stand, you don’t.

I don’t mean to be mean, so maybe you and I can come to an agreement. I’ll leave you alone if you promise to only share your point with wide-legged trousers — may I suggest those luxurious looking wool camel ones by Chloe?

If not for me, then for Ms. Chung.

Yours in polite but strongly voiced disagreement,

Me

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